What a year it's been. I hope I'll be able to write and edit this enough to post before the new year, but either way, firstly, I'm wishing you and your family a happy and healthy 2020.

So much has happened in my life in 2019. Where does one even begin? Actually, I started the year off standing on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées in Paris, by myself and surrounded by thousands of strangers. Then, after a few hours of sleep, I took the train to Salamanca, where I studied abroad for my short winter semester.

While studying Spanish in Salamanca (how do I always end up in language classes above my actual level??), I still got to travel quite a bit. My program was basically funded by a scholarship I got from my university, which is what allowed me to be able to save money and travel before (Paris and Luxembourg) and during my time in Spain. Luckily for us, our first weekend was already a three day weekend because of Epiphany/Three Kings Day in Spain. Rather than stay for what I hear is a wonderful celebration in Salamanca, some new friends and I jumped on a bus to Porto, Portugal. Porto was so fun and such a great experience for so many reasons. I have so many stories and so many cherished memories from that trip. Plus, Porto is now one of my favorite cities I ever visited, and I'm glad I got to experience it with friends the way that I did.

Porto

I also ended up going to Segovia (a mandatory school trip), Sevilla, and Cordoba. I've been to Spain so many times already (compared to every other country I've visited), but it's also one that I always want to see more of. I loved Andalucia and really hope to go back and explore more of it soon. In Salamanca, I also took a class on Spanish Culture and Civilization, which also prompted me to want to see the Northern and Western regions of the country...one day!

That culture class was also what really led me to my honors thesis topic. In class, we very briefly talked about how after the Spanish Civil War and Franco's regime, they decided to provide amnesty to those who participated in the regime so that the country could move on. While it seemed at the time like a good idea and the dark and horrific history was quickly erased and "forgotten," its legacy and harm continues to live on in Spanish society. Most obvious has been the debate over the exhumation of Franco's body from the Valle de los Caidos and the recent resurgence of the far-right (a la the Vox party). My Political Science thesis ended up exploring the nexus of artistic-cultural production, transitional justice, and collective memory in post-dictatorship Argentina, Brazil, and Chile.

Salamanca

And then it was back home and the start of my final semester. I actually missed my first day of class because we randomly started on a Friday, and our program ended that day in Spain. The semester was supposed to be calm, but I had to start and finish my thesis and also choreograph a dance and manage the logistics of my final dance competition, which was in March. Honestly, the dance stuff was some of the most stressful parts of the semester, and although I'm not completely happy with the end result, I accept that it was the best that I could do with my mental health and college priorities. I ended my competition journey in the same location that I had my very first dance competition, and my old dance studio was actually competing at the same competition, though in different categories, so I got to see some of my old teachers, and they got to watch me dance too. I'm proud of my small team and of what we accomplished, and I'm proud of myself for the long journey I've been on in terms of dance. It's something I'm still working through, but I hope to write about it in far greater detail one day.


Before I knew it, I finished my thesis (I basically wrote all 75+ pages of it in 6 weeks--I don't recommend this method!) and graduated! I now hold a B.A. in Political Science, a certificate in Public Policy (concentration in International Development), and minors in Human Rights and International Relations. I received two departmental honors (in Political Science), graduated Summa Cum Laude and Salutatorian, and was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society. And honestly, that's all great for sure, but what matters most to me is how I've come and how much I've grown into myself and learned about myself in the past four years. College was truly a transformative experience for me, and while we all have regrets and it has been a roller coaster of a journey, it's the best decision I could've made on a personal front.

Graduation 1 (Yes, I had two graduations)

Then came my celebratory graduation trip with my family. I traveled back to Paris, this time with my whole family. Honestly, I enjoyed it significantly less, but maybe it was also because some of that magic fell away from the first time and also because I was basically the family tour guide and had to manage nearly every single aspect of the vacation. I did get to take a one-day solo trip to Le Mont Saint Michel, which was wonderful. After a week, my dad and sister came home while my mom and I continued on to Brussels and then Amsterdam.

I got to meet up with a close friend of mine in Brussels and spend a day with her, which was wonderful and filled me with such warmth. But it was Amsterdam that I truly fell in love with. To be honest, I didn't actually end up seeing or doing much there, but something about the atmosphere there really captured me. Although completely different, I think Amsterdam has a similar underlying energy as New York City. I know I didn't get to fully experience the city because I was with my mom, so I'm desperate to return there by myself or with some friends. After the first day there, I was already looking up graduate school programs in Amsterdam (something I'd already started thinking about), so who knows?!

Amsterdam

Upon my return home, I spent a few more weeks catching up with friends and getting some much needed rest (I'll be writing about the toll of travel on my body physically soon). Then I was thrust right back into academia as I worked on my research Fulbright application. I'm still waiting for the first round of notifications (when they announce semi-finalists), so please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Something else I'll write a separate blog post on is post-graduation transition and how rough it can be. I'm still in the process of it, and switching to your first full-time job is hard to manage. As I was working on my application, my friends, who had mostly been a similar boat of being unemployed after graduation, started getting job offers and started working. Suddenly, I had no one to hang out with, no one to talk to and commiserate with about that unemployed life. And it felt like I was getting nowhere with my own job search.

Living my best life in Sevilla

Safe to say, I did eventually get a job offer - for the position I'm at now. It's of course not a perfect job, but it's a good start. For me, this is honestly a buffer until I find out about the Fulbright, at which point I think I can better set a plan for the future. In the meantime, I will be (should be) studying for the GRE and brushing up my Spanish to hopefully eventually take the DELE C2 exam before the end of the year (let's see!).

It's been a little over a month since I started working. I'll be traveling for work in a few days, which is so exciting and a little hard to believe. I already have some goals set for 2020, but you know that'll be a post for the new year. ;) Let's see what the year has in store for me while I continue to reflect on the past year. Happy holidays, and happy new year!

Let's chat: What's your biggest accomplishment or best memory of 2019?

I'm not a big "resolutions" person, but after my fall semester and 2017 in general, I actually had some goals I had in mind for the spring semester and for 2018 in general. As I was writing this post, I actually realized that most of my goals are roughly the same (I re-evaluate after each semester because I think in terms of school years, not calendar years, usually). There are a few that are part of my yearly goals but not my semester goals, but there aren't many (basically, more networking and continue to practice/work on my language skills (Spanish and Portuguese if you're wondering)).

1. Spend less time on my phone

2. Read at least 1-2 books a month

3. Create creative content sustainably and mix it up

4. Limit coffee consumption (max. 4x/week)

5. Spend more time with friends and go do fun things 

6. Return to journaling, cooking, exercising

7. Keep up with blogging!

photo credit

This November, Americans will be showing up at the polls (or online or via mail) to vote for our next President. But millions of eligible voters will not. There are many reasons for that, but I implore you to take a few minutes out of your day to register to vote (I believe it varies, but registration closes Oct 15th in NY) and then to go out and exercise your right to vote. Vote for your Presidential candidate, vote for you Congressmen and Congresswomen, vote for your local representatives, vote, vote, vote.

But why does it matter?

You might not think your one vote will matter, but when every individual person goes out to vote, it can and does make a difference. How many Brexit non-voters do you think regret not going? How many people who skipped out in the 2000 elections wish they had gone out to the polls that day?

How can you register to vote?

photo credit

Rock the Vote

Wrock the Vote (a personal favorite and perfect for Potterheads)

Now what?

Sunrise on HeHuan Shan, Taiwan.

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Me, contemplating the meaning of life and the fragility of our dependence on the planet, on HeHuan Shan in Taiwan.

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Follow my blog with Bloglovin I've always had reason to look back on memories and think about how we lose pieces of memories as we move further away from the moment. This lack of permanence, this transient nature of memories, is the reason I wanted to journal when I traveled overseas by myself for the first time, and it's the reason why I want to continue to document my travels. These thoughts have particularly come back into my mind as I near my next trip and as some of my friends from Barcelona head back there, causing memories to resurface with a force.

Mis amigos de Barcelona y yo cuando nosotros jugamos futbol (My Barcelona friends and I when we played football)

My book blogging friend and inspiration, Grace at Words Like Silver, recently had a post in which she talked about "The Future" and about working towards an uncertain future. Once again, her post made me think about my own future and about pursuing interests.

Like everyone else in college, I'm constantly asked about what I want to do with my life and with my majors/minors. For a long time, I knew I wanted to be a teacher; I didn't know what type of teacher, but that's what I thought I wanted to do. Then, I was thrown into an actual situation in which I was teaching students for almost two months, and I realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do. I think I would still like to teach one day, but I no longer want to have a career in teaching.

I had a year or two where I felt lost; I understood how so many of my peers felt. I had no idea what I wanted to do, other than that I didn't want to go into a math/science field. Then, I took AP Human Geography and a summer course on International Development at Brown University. And suddenly I knew that that's what I was interested in and what I wanted to study.

I'm currently planning on double majoring in Political Science and Public Policy, with concentrations in International Relations and International Development, and minoring in International Relations. At times, I feel very pessimistic about what I want to do, and I question whether or not I'll really work at an organization similar to the UN. Obviously I still have a ways to go, so it's okay to not know.

But after reading Grace's post, I wonder if I'm doing enough. I'm lucky enough to have an idea of what I want to do. Like Grace, I'm not positive on what I want to do with what I love. I have a vague idea, but so much can still change. But whereas Grace is going full swing in the direction of her dreams, I wonder if I am.

Most of the time, I feel like I'm that person that ends up focusing too much on school work and not enough on the other stuff. I feel like I let my studies dictate my life. That's not bad per say; you do need good grades, especially since I'm likely going to grad school. I've always been a very studious person, but I was also very involved in extracurriculars in middle/high school. Now, I just feel like I'm swamped all the time. I hardly volunteer anymore, I'm only dancing once a week, and I've just been really bad at doing anything but procrastinating and studying. Even most of my friends say that it seems like I'm always doing my homework, and it feels that way too (although they don't realize that sometimes I'm reading and/or blogging too).

I feel busy, but at the same time, I feel as though I'm not actually doing anything, if that makes sense. I think I should be doing more, especially relating to the field I want to go into. The two organizations I'm volunteering in are both amazing and do great things, but as much as they say they need our help to run, I don't know how much I'm actually contributing. I don't think I'm getting the experience I should be. I should be doing more, being more active, actually trying to help a community/the community. And I don't think I am right now. Part of it is that I don't know how. I don't know how to find these amazing organizations and get involved. I don't know how I could possibly make a difference. I don't know how I'd be able to juggle everything, only that I'd have to and I'd want to. I'm currently in the process of applying to an internship and a fellowship that I hope will help, but it's not even close to guaranteed that I'll get either one. I think I'm going to start volunteering more next semester as well (in the two organizations I'm currently with).

Am I doing enough? I feel as though I should be doing more. I should be working harder in the field I wish to go into. I should pursue my interests. But how? To some extent, I sometimes think that I pursue my love for dance more than my career interests. Heck, I'm even blogging and reading more than I am doing something in my career goal. Maybe that's okay; after all, those other interests are great ways to destress and do what I love. But I also find development and social issues and all of that super interesting as well. I love discussing those because I'm passionate about it. But I don't do it enough. Sometimes it's because I'm scared of how people will react. I'm often really bad at backing up my points. I'm really indecisive in almost everything because I think about almost all possibilities, and I think that sometimes this grey area keeps me from having a solid opinion, and that's hard to deal with (more on this in another post).

So people like Grace inspire me. People who go in the direction of their dreams, who chase after it with all they can. I wish I could be more like that, but I'm not sure how right now. And I know that's okay for now; I'm only a college freshman, and of course, there's still so much that can change, but this uncertainty, this feeling of not doing nearly enough, has been pinging around in my brain a lot lately.