I've been sitting here, blank page in front of me, for a while now, bu I'm still not sure where to begin. Sophomore year was...a lot. Fall semester seems so far away now--as if it were years ago. It's been a hard year, and I'm glad it's summer now.

Overview

I don't want to make this post a series of events from my sophomore year, but here's a rough run down. In the fall, I had 5 classes and 2 internships. I liked my internships and thought I could handle both since one was flexible and the other was remote. Nope. Never again. I felt so worn out and exhausted the entire semester, and I felt like it was just draining everything from me. I hate everything and could not wait for the semester to be over.


My spring semester was a bit better. I studied abroad in Buenos Aires during winter semester. The course was fabulous though a lot of work, and while BsAs doesn't live up to Barcelona, I'm glad I went to South America. Anyhow, in the spring, I took my first 300-level political science class but also didn't feel particularly attached to/interested in most of my classes. I took a philosophy class which is probably my least favorite class ever (even more so than pre-calc and algebra 2/trig honors). At least part of my life felt like it was coming together, though. My polisci professor co-wrote a chapter in the anthology my internship mentor published and the co-author was speaking on a panel I was helping out at for the internship. I ended up meeting with her, and it also helped me establish a really great relationship with my professor.

The Bad

But sophomore year was also extremely hard for me. Last year, I wrote about not feeling home sick. This year, I did. The sophomore slump is so real, let me tell you. Freshman year, I was hit with a deep understanding of being vs. being lonely; last year, I could be alone and not feel lonely. But sophomore year, I felt extremely isolated from my friends, and although I did try to make time for myself--especially in the spring--it was almost always alone in my room. My friends were really busy and stressed out, and I rarely saw any of my friends not in my major. I hardly ever saw my best friend, who's a Sociology major and on the pre-med track. All of this really took an emotional toll on me.


This entire year, my emotional/mental state felt like it was constantly fluctuating up and down. On top of all this, I've just felt like i"m super behind compared to many of my friends and classmates. I'll have a more detailed post on this topic later, but I've been at the same internship for almost a whole year. I was fine with it for the spring semester because I was able to do something different than I had during the fall semester, but applying for so many internships for the summer and not getting any of them was hard. It was especially hard because most of my friends are doing really cool and incredible things and getting amazing opportunities. I know that a lot of it is just my mentality and the environment of my honors program, but it's hard to not let it get you down.

The Good

So, needless to say, sophomore year hit me hard. It kicked me down, and I've tried hard to not let it get to me. Even though it was difficult, a lot of it was good. I practiced some more self-care and I listened to my body a bit more. I reduced my meat consumption by a lot, I met amazing people when studying abroad, and I made some great connections. I went to DC with my public policy program and was super energized by it. I helped execute a protest at my school. I went to more bookish events, met my friends Alexandra and Aneeqah, met two other online friends who helped me get through much of middle and high school, saw my friend Willa much more often, saw some dance performance, etc. And! I was asked to be co-captain and choreographer for my dance team! I'm partially terrified because I've never choreographed before and this is a huge responsibility and undertaking, but for someone who has been dancing for over 15 years now, this is huge for me, and I'm also really excited.

Xan, Me, Willa, Susan Dennard, Victoria Schwab

My dance team!

My friends have been nothing but supportive, and I re-connected with an old friend, who has been really incredible as an additional support system and as someone who knew me before college. It's nice to talk to someone who knew me then and is sort of in the same place in life as me. We both support one another, and it's really beautiful, I think.

I learned so much about myself this past year. I can't believe I'm halfway done with college. Sophomore year of high school felt like it took forever to get there, but the past two years have flown by. This coming fall will be tough, but I just hope to continue to grow and get better.

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