it's okay to not miss home

12:00:00 AM

The first month or so of college, I honestly never really wanted to go home. I had my friends, and I loved being around them all the time. We hung out and had fun and nobody was there to nag me. Sure, it was nice to get food from home or to sleep in my own bed or be surrounded by my books again or to have my parents get me new stuff. But I loved being on my own in college. I was having a blast. I made friends pretty quickly, and we became fairly close pretty quickly too. Going home meant hearing my parents and my sister fight about her college applications. It meant definitely not getting any homework done (though I wasn't getting much done with my friends at that point either). It wasn't that I didn't want to see my family; I did. But I didn't feel homesick the way many people do. Even now, I don't really feel homesick. I would see my parents almost every other week in some way or another, and my mom calls me almost every day.


For a while, I felt really guilty. I thought that it was wrong of me to not want to go home, to prefer my friends to my family. After all, aren't you supposed to feel homesick? Many of my friends were. I though there was something wrong with me, thought that I was being a bad daughter for feeling that way.

But recently, I had this one weekend where I just wanted to go home. I didn't have weekend plans, and I genuinely wanted to go home. I (almost) missed the suburbs, the changing trees, of which there are some in the city but not enough for me to really pay attention to them. I wanted to see my parents and spend time with them. The visit wasn't without its bumps, and while I can't necessarily say I miss home, it was nice to be back. I didn't feel that same sense of just not wanting to go home. Maybe it was because I've been hanging out with my friends less often (because college). Maybe it's just because I've been away longer. Maybe it was because I didn't want to wait almost a whole month until Thanksgiving to see my parents again. I don't know.

It also got me thinking about feeling homesick. I think we're expected to miss home. After all, you're moving away for likely the first time. I had previously only been away from my parents when I went to various summer pre-college courses and this past summer when I arrived in Brazil before the rest of my family. Maybe because I am still so close to home and could go home almost whenever I want, maybe because I've had some experience being on my own, maybe because I was just so glad to have friends and finally get out of Long Island, but for whatever reason, I didn't feel that same kind of sadness. But I also realize now that there's a lot you can be guilty about, but you shouldn't feel bad about your feelings, especially if you can't control how you feel. 

It's okay to miss home. It's okay to not. It's okay if when you start, you go home every weekend. It's okay to go home only once a month. It's okay to call your parents every day. It's okay to not. So long as you are comfortable with your choice, so long as your parents are in communication with you about that kind of stuff, it's okay. Don't feel like you're supposed to miss home. But also realize that if you do, you're not alone. Home will still be home, and your parents will still welcome you back home, no matter if you're gone for a few days or for a month or more. Do what works for both you and your family, and don't feel guilty.

{If you're in college, especially as a freshman, do you feel homesick? If you're an upperclassman or have already graduated, what are your thoughts/tips?}
Now Playing: Door Number Three by Sara Bareilles

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Jessica is a recent college graduate in the Greater NYC Area still trying to figure out post-grad life. She is a program assistant at Artists at Risk Connection (ARC), a project of PEN America. She holds a BA in Political Science, a certificate in Public Policy, and minors in International Relations and Human Right. She is committed to global social justice. She loves to travel, read, write, dance, explore the best coffee/tea spots, and more.

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